The Annual No Kiss Blogfest, hosted by Frankie Diane Mallis!!
For my entry this year, I decided to play with characters connected to my latest project, You and I. You and I is filled with little excerpts from the "books" my book-geek MC reads, including a "book series" about a girl in love with a ghost trapped in a mirror world. This No Kiss is a little blurb with the characters in that "series."
To make my life harder and to give myself practice in working with tenses (one of the things I needed to strengthen), all of the "excerpts" from this "book series" are written in first person present tense. Please forgive any awkwardness in tense here!
I present to you Marissa and Cyril, from the Hidden House "series" in all their no-kiss glory:
I
throw my hands up in frustration and pace away from the mirror. “Don’t you get
it, you idiot? I’m not in love with him.”
“If
you do not have feelings for him, why did you let him into your room? And why
did you act like he was the most interesting person on the continent?” Cyril
adds something else under his breath and I can’t hear it.
I blink at him, feeling
my lips turn down into a frown. I want to reach through the mirror and shake
his jealous Victorian ass. “I’m only flirting with Dan to get his attention off
of you. Remember, I don’t do love
triangles.”
“Love triangles?”
The
confusion on his face is so cute I can’t completely stay mad at him. Still, I
take my time walking back to the mirror. I know the little skirts and makeup
I’ve been wearing to school definitely upset his old-fashioned sensibilities,
but he’s still a guy. Who is totally checking me out right now. “Translation: I
only fall for one guy at a time.”
“And
Dan…?”
“Is
not that guy.” I lean closer, my nose only inches from the antique silvered
glass separating us. To normal people, I must look like a freak, talking to my
reflection. But they don’t see what I see, which right now is an adorably
frustrated hottie. Cyril steps closer to his side of the glass and, if I
imagine hard enough, I can feel his breath whisper across my cheek as he
exhales. “You are,” I whisper.
There
are rules. A line we can’t cross. He and I both know it. But it doesn’t stop
either of us from leaning closer, moths drawn to an incredibly dangerous flame.
His eyes flicker to my lips and I feel a cold fire run across the surface of my
skin, electrifying me.
We
don’t touch the mirror’s surface. Instead, our hands parallel each other’s path
along the carved wooden frame. One of his hands comes up and his fingers seem
to be tracing the line of my chin, up to my bottom lip… I shut my eyes and
imagine him here, that one finger trailing a line of electricity along its
path. My lip tingles with that phantom touch and I hold back a gasp. My hand
grips the mirror’s frame, its carvings digging into my palm.
On
his side of the mirror, Cyril audibly takes in a breath and my eyes pop open.
He’s just as affected as I am. Somewhere along the way, we had both tilted our
heads so our lips are perfectly aligned. Our combined breaths leave a cloud of
white on both sides of the mirror and I see the puffs of breath speed up to the
same rhythm. We’re so close that if I just lean in a little bit further,
maybe--
His fingers touch the
mirror, oh so gently, in a motion that’s meant to stop me. His silver eyes lock
with mine and his next words come out sounding almost pained. “If I touch you,
you’ll be trapped here.”
“What if I say I don’t
care anymore?” I ask, my voice a lot shakier than I’d like.
Cyril closes his eyes,
takes a step back, and another until he’s a safe distance from the mirror. No
amount of me touching it now would break the barrier. “I do.”
I slump to the floor,
breathless, and drop my head into my hands. My body still feels the ghost of
the might-have-been. “How are we going to make this work?”
“I don’t know.”
Want to read more no-kiss scenes? Head on over to Frankie's site!
Wow, Issy, I loved this! I struggle with tenses myself, as my critique partner could testify to that for sure (LOL), but I didn't see any problems here. This was a very cool concept and I'd definitely read more. Wonderful job-
ReplyDeleteHappy 2013! I wish you nothing but the best and many, many blessings.
Thanks! I liked playing with the tenses because, while it shorted out my brain during writing and editing, it really forced me to focus on my use of tense. REALLY focus *facepalm*
Delete2013 is going to be great! *hugs* The same blessings and wonderfulness to you and your family!
This was fantastic! I'm beyond intrigued, and just want to know everything!
ReplyDeleteYay, thank you, Hayley!
DeleteI just love the way their hands move parallel above the surface of a mirror. Incredible tension without any touching! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteI didn't see any awkwardness in the tense either. I think it was perfect!
<3
Thank you, Mia! That was the hardest part to figure out-- how to make that no-touching thing work and still make it not sound ridiculous! I hope it didn't sound too silly here.
Delete:)
"What if I say I don't care anymore." AAAAH! Love it! Such a neat concept too! Thanks for participating!
ReplyDeleteThanks for hosting! This is my favorite bloghop of the year!
Deleteawesome! Loved the almost kiss but am almost intrigued by the story and why Cyril is stuck in the mirror.
ReplyDeleteThere's actual superstition and lore to back it up! Victorians/Edwardians had some weird superstitions. Hair wreaths and stopping clocks, oh my! :)
DeleteUmmmmm. I hope you are also writing this series for real because it is a fantastic concept and I am totally agonizing over what happens right now!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I might play with this because Marissa is just so much fun to write.
DeleteSo, ummmmm... LOVE!
ReplyDeleteSo, ummmm.... *HUGS!!!*
DeleteEeeks, I love this with all its haunting desire! Cyril is meant to be loved, a guy who clearly craves her companionship but won't jeopardize her for his own needs. This is amazing. Would love to see more.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tricia!
DeleteOh wow! This is so good! Sometimes that almost kisses are so much steamier than the kisses that hit their mark. This story sounds so compelling. Thanks for sharing a snippet with us! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jaime! I love no-kiss scenes. 1. Because kiss scenes make me feel goofy, 2. Definitely because of that tension!
DeleteSqueeeeeee!!!!
ReplyDelete*Giant HUG!*
DeleteOh, this is one of my favorites so far! Very hot! Well done! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, Larissa! <3
DeleteYowza!!! Can you say HAWT? I' 've never wanted two people to kiss more than those two, Awesome job! Total swoon! :)<3
ReplyDelete~Ella
Thanks, Ella! But could you imagine the fingerprints they'd have to clean up on that mirror if they did kiss? (just kidding!) :)
DeleteHello from the blog hop...You know when there are "lines that can't be crossed" in fiction, you might have some strong-willed characters who are going to challenge that! I can see the steam coming out of this scene! Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cynthia! That whole "don't push the red button" mentalitly always makes for the best romantic tension!
DeleteHi, Issy! I'm a few days late in checking out the entries for the No-Kiss Blogfest, but late is better than never!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing with us! I absolutely love the idea for this book series of yours. Very creative. I was very impressed with the way you were able to create an intense connection between two characters who are from such different worlds. Great job.
~Wendy Lu
The Red Angel Blog
Oh, that was so lovely! Great tension, and something so much deeper in their relationship than just the surface desire to touch. Very nice!
ReplyDeleteI see the dangers of falling in love with the man in the mirror. Question is, does she? ;)
ReplyDelete